The Play is Under Review

We are college football fans and this season has been filled with reviews of numerous
plays during the game.  It got me to thinking about how handy that would be if we could
use it in real life.

For instance; you are about to make a big purchase of  a new TV or appliance, but
you just aren't sure.  So, before you swipe your card, ask for a play review to make sure
this is the time and the right item to purchase.

Or how about this one; you are about to react to an email you received and write a curt reply.  Ask for a play review before you hit that send button. You might just go ahead and push "send", or you  might decide to wait to reply when your emotions aren't so high.

It could come in helpful right before you eat the 4th chocolate chip cookie.  Do a play review
and decide if a 4th cookie really will taste as good as you think it will or it might taste better in
a couple hours.

The older my children get the more I do miniature play reviews of their childhoods and the endearing
behaviors and comments that they have made.  Play reviews can also serve as a red flag warning to prevent you from repeating something stupid.

I can see several implications in my own life. However, it could be easy to use the play review as
a procrastination rather than a support in making a decision that could curtail goals or financial
plans. Then I guess I would call it a nap review and sleep on it.  :o)

Communication

As time passes on in this life of mine, I am learning the art of communication.
If I reflect long enough, I could say that most of my frustrations throughout
my life have been due to lack of communication; either on my part or the
other person.  The answer seems simple enough, but if I think to all the advice
I've given to all the children I've worked with, communication should be alot
easier.  So, once again, I learn my lessons from children and think about
practicing what I have advised others to do.

1.  Ask why?  If you don't ask, you won't know.  It never hurts to ask.
2.  Use your words.  If you don't tell people what you need, how you feel
     or how they made you feel, no one else will.
3.  Take turns.  Ever been in a conversation with someone who only talks
     about themselves?  Yes, it's good to listen and then share.  It's called
     a conversation.
4.  Listen while the other person is talking.  A while ago, my brother visited
     Japan.  He said the thing that the Japanese noticed about Americans is
     that instead of listening to the other person, we are thinking in our head
     what we are going to say next.
5.  It's ok to pause and think about your response.  If you needed to, tell
     the other person you are thinking.
6.  Ask questions like "What do you think should happen next?" or "How
     do you see me helping in this situation?"  Then you learn more about where
    the other person's expectations are.
7.  Never miss the chance to "use your words" and tell someone how proud you
     are of them, how much you love them, or how appreciative of them you are.
     Those are called "sparkling words" to another person's soul.

So, go out and communicate!

Building a house

My husband and I started the adventure of building a new home in April 2011

At the same time we each had homes that we put on the market to not only help

pay for this new home, free us from the question of what would need to be updated next,

and create a home for our newly blended family.

We've learned alot in 5 months and here's a run down of the ones that

stick out in my mind.

1.  Always ask "How much extra will this cost?" when the builder asks you if you 

want to add something to your house.  This is how people go way over budget

from the original predicted house cost.  You have the power to say "yes" or "no"

to their suggestion.  

2.  Decide where you want your home to have the upgrades and allow the rest of

the house to be average.  Usually this would be the main level and we decided to

focus ours on where we would spend the most time; master bedroom and bath, kitchen

and living room. 

3.  Ask questions about why some siding is done and other parts of the house is not,

or why the mortar between stones is not even. Sometimes you'll get an understandable

answer, other times, you will to say, "Well that's not going to work for me and it needs

to get fixed."

4.  Recognize the people who actually build your home.  Some will be laborers who do 

all the foundational work others will be craftsmen, such as the trim and woodwork and the 

tile layers. We took iced water bottles and Gatorade during the summer and recently

took donuts to the men laying the tile.

5.  If my husband hadn't known alot about electrical, plumbing, dry wall, carpeting, 

etc., etc., etc., I don't know what we would have done.  Have someone that knows

about stuff like that.

6.  When you aren't happy with something, tell them.  You are the customer and

you are signing your life away for 15, 20, or 30 years to pay for this purchase.

Get it the way you want.

7. Realize that sometimes houses don't sell like you think they will. My husband's

house was a great home in a great location in a small town 30 minutes away from 

here, but the realtor was worried how long it would take to sell because houses

weren't selling quickly there.  My house was also in a good location, great

neighborhood and a sweet house. It was predicted to sell within 60-90 days. 

His house sold in 1 1/2 months and mine is still on the market.

8.  With building and selling a home, keep in contact with your realtor, builder, contractor

often.  As the house got to the stage where more detail was happening, we went to the

house every day. We would "drop in" during the day at the construction site and we 

would go after everyone had left so that we could look at how things were done.

The good news is that the decisions we are now talking about are landscaping ones. 

We've lived through the paint, carpet, lights, faucets, counter tops, cabinets, and stain 

color choices. WE are now getting to see how our choices are fitting together and we

get to think about plants and lawn maintenance, which is almost a welcome relief from

 all the decision making before.

The best part about all of this? I will still get to live in a home with my husband, and our

 children will have more room to stay with us when they are in town.  

That's really all that matters.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today would have been my Mom's 75th birthday.  She died 23 years ago (March 10, 1989)
as a result of ALS. 23 years is a long time not to have your mother in your life. 
I've missed sharing so much with her; my children, jobs, interests, family, etc. There are times
when I have to make myself remember things that are important to remember like her laugh,
her little mannerisms and all the fun times we had.  I wonder how much different my children's
lives would be if they had their Grandma Betty in their lives.  She was so excited to be a
Grandma, and that awful disease prohibited her from being the kind of grandma that she wanted to be.

Here's a couple fun memories of my Mom.
1.  When we lived on the farm, I had a horse named Ginger.  Ginger had a terrible habit
of bucking people off when you wanted her to gallop.  She would walk anywhere you wanted her to,
but kick in for faster movement and she would just start bucking.  One day after getting bucked off yet
another time, I went crying to Mom.  She stomped out to the barnyard (she was barely 5 feet tall,
so stomping might be too strong of a word) grabbed Ginger by the reins and climbed on. 
Now this feat alone was heroic because of her size and the fact she hated horses.  She kicked in
and Ginger took off and then immediately stopped, lowered her head and deposited Mom in the
biggest mud puddle she could find.  All of us laughed and she wasn't hurt. Sadly, Ginger didn't stay
very long after that because a horse that won't gallop isn't much fun. 
2.  We lived in the new house in Oakley and one summer day, Mom had us outside watering trees.  She
didn't think we were moving quite fast enough and came out to nag us,  as mother's often resort to. 
I had the hose and sprayed her.  A full blown water fight ensued and it is one of my fondest memories of my mom and the 3 of us kids having fun. Yes, we were all soaked and our jaws hurt from laughing so much.

The point is, the simplest times are the fondest memories.  Happy Birthday Mom, I miss you.

Wear boots

I commented on my FB page that I hoped that today would be a better day.  A friend of
mine then texted me and asked what was up and I told her I was tired of dealing with
two faced people and their c*ap.  Her reply was priceless, "C*ap is everywhere, wear boots!"
I had let my guard down and forgot my boots so someone else's drama got the best of me.
It got me to thinking, at what point to we say to these people that you've had enough of their
c*ap and call them on it?  Here's some of my ideas:
1.  When they try to take credit for your work.
2.  When they try to pretend that they know everything.
3.  When they throw you under the "bus" to someone else; refer to #1, and #2.
4.  When protocol isn't followed and they get by with it.
5.  When it starts affecting your sleep.
6.  When they state how gloriously happy they are.
7.  When they have no clue how stupid they sound and look.
8.  When they try to make me look or sound stupid.
9.  When they try to make it look like I haven't done my job.
10.  Just because of all of the above.

Then I ask myself, "what good would it do?"  I might feel better, yes.  Would it help
my career? Probably not.  So for now, the best advice I got is "to wear boots".
Because c*ap happens.

Learning to Walk

In the same week, I've had several conversations about a child learning to walk.
While observing in a toddler room, a 16 month old is still crawling around
on the floor.  The teacher and I visited about his muscle tone, feet and legs,
brainstorming whether or not it was something physical. I learned the rest of
the story when I asked the teacher about the child's family; she told me
3 older siblings, all girls.  No wonder he isn't walking!

Earlier today, I visited with another provider about a toddler, 13 months, who after
spending the weekend at home, wants to be carried everywhere by his child care
provider during the day.  She said she was feeling mean by not picking him up everytime
he wanted to be held.  We talked about the need for him to develop his muscles and
confidence and that certainly when he needed comforting and reassurance, she would
pick him up. And we concluded that she wasn't as mean as she was feeling.  :o)

Later I picked up a new magazine and started looking through it and this short article
caught my eye; "Learning to Walk".  It's by Debra Sullivan and it's in the latest
Child Care Exchange Magazine.  She talks about the joy of watching her nephew
learn how to walk  and says "It's only a matter of time before he lets go of all
support systems" (i.e. Mom, Dad, furniture)"and takes that first series of wobbly,
but independent steps."  She then linked it to the process of personal change
for adults. 

• "If you don't stand up, you can't walk."
• "Just because you can't now, doesn't mean you can't later."
• "Never grow a wishbone where a backbone should be."
• "If it were easy, you would have done it a long time ago."
• "Don't believe everything you think."

I love all of those  quotes; especially "Don't believe everything you think."  Now I wonder how
long it will be when I will let go of all of my "support systems", i.e. comfort zones, and
take the first of a series of steps into the process of change.

Taking a leap

For some time now, I have a friend and colleague who has been encouraging me to
make a leap of faith and start a new career.  The current economy is making it harder
and harder to stay in the land of non-profit organizations and work in my field;
I'm not sure why I'm still hanging on.

Helping others talk about and take steps towards change comes naturally for me,
but I find it somewhat hypocritical that I am hesitant to do it myself.  After all, in an
earlier blog didn't I list the changes that have occurred in my life just recently?
What is the difference? Well, the big difference is that a career change means uncertain
income.  I have responsibilities and obligations to meet and what if the new leap of faith
doesn't help me met those? What if I'm not successful?

Well, what if the new path exceeds those responsibilities and obligations?  My own
daughter is a prime example.  She created her own business, is highly competent in her
delivery and is extremely successful. She dove in and made it work and her business is still growing.

I know that I am coming closer to the day when I will be ready to make the leap.  But first,
I have to fully convince myself that I have something worthwhile to offer people AND get
paid a livable income to do it.  Now, that's the secret for us all, isn't it?

Birthdays

Recently, I was blessed with another year of life.  Last year was quite the whirlwind and I
don't think this year will be much different.  Here's a life of events that happened August 01, 2010
to August 01, 2011:
My son moved out (to his Dad's) and started college.
My daughter got married.
Brent & I got engaged.
Brent and I put our homes up for sale.
Brent and I signed a contract to build a new home.
Brent sold his home and moved everything to storage, except for a dresser, a few tools and some clothes.
We got married.
My house got shown for potential buyers over 20 times.
My daughter and her husband bought a house.
My daughter's dog moved to Kansas City to be with her after living with me for 3 years.
My son moved into a house with 3 other college guys.
Brent went to Joplin for a month to work on debris clean up.
New house has roof, windows, plumbing, electrical wiring and sheet rock.

No wonder I've been tired.  What do I have to look forward to?
2011 K-State Football Season with my husband
Honeymoon Cruise
Moving into a new house
HOPEFULLY selling my house
For right now, I think that's enough.  I will continue to pray that all of our
health and happiness is once again graced upon us.
What can I say but, "Life is good."

Focus on positive

Everyday I have to remind myself to focus on the positive.  I catch myself during

different times during the day feeling negative about a situation or someone that I

have to snap myself out of it. So, since the last 2 days have been fairly frustrating,

here is a short list of things I feel positive about.

1. My husband

2. My children and his children's health and happiness

3. My central air conditioning

4. Central air conditioning in my Jeep

5. Central air conditioning at work

6. October 1st is only 65 days away and it should be cooler

7. Football season is even closer

8. My family's good health and happiness

9. None of us are politicians

10. None of us are in Iraq or Afghanistan 

11. None of us are in jail

12. My husband will be home in 10 days

13. My skills at my job

14. Good friends

15. Did I say central air conditioning already?

I find these lists help a person keep life in perspective. Life could always be easier,

but it can always be much much worse. Today while observing in a child care program,

one of the 4 year old girls was very excited to tell me that she had been able to visit

her mom in jail on Sunday. Imagine being 4 and going to visit your mom in jail.  Imagine

being 4 and already in your short life, your mom or dad has been gone to war for over

half of your life.

So, I guess the best thing I can say is focus on how much you have to be thankful for

and imagine your life getting better each day because of your loved ones and because

of the good things that you do each day for them and others.  Always assume positive

intent until someone proves you wrong.  Re-frame your thoughts into good thoughts

and your day will follow in positive light.

Thank God for air conditioning. Yes, I know I've said that before. So, to end on something

new, Thank God for snow.  :o)

Recalculating

Earlier this week, I went to a forum for people around the state who are
interested in early childhood issues.  Just as everyone else in the nation,
our profession has seen funding cuts and loss of jobs.  The keynote
speaker was a passionate woman who guided us to think about this
time in our country as a "recalculating" time; just as if we had a GPS
guiding us in our work.

So, in a time of changes and shifts into what we thought we knew,
we are now challenged to go into a recalculating time. Our learning
curve has been shifted and we are going to have to get creative
and think of things differently.

How many times in our lives do we have to recalculate? Sometimes
it comes in lumps, sometimes it's spread out.  But in the end, we
do survive.  The lesson here? It's not what happens to you, but
who you have along your side and what you learn from the
experience.

Reacting

I can remember when I was in my teens, I had a bit of a temper.
It didn't flare until I had tolerated all I could handle and then I would
let it fly.  Usually it would be a hairbrush that would go airborne or
a good old door slamming.  As I've gotten older, my tolerance level
has grown and so has my expression of my frustration or anger; and
I try to make a conscious decision to respond rather than react to a
situation.

Today, I stopped by our new house construction site and as I walked around
the house, (it was only 105 degrees) my temper grew with each step. There
was trash everywhere, Gatorade bottles, water bottles, pop cans, soft drink cups,
McDonald cups, and candy bar wrappers. Then the final thing that caused me
to lose it; cigarette wrappers and cigarette butts. I don't judge people for smoking.
But, I choose not to smoke and I certainly don't want it in my new house.

So, what did I do to release my anger? I picked up all of that trash thrown all over the 3,000+
sq feet of unfinished house. All of the Gatorade bottles, water bottles, pop cans, soft drink cups, etc.  And yes, I even picked up the cigarette packages. No, I didn't pick up the cigarette butts. By the time
I was done, there was 3 boxes full of their trash. One box on each level; main floor, basement and
garage. I left them there in the middle of each floor as a message; this is our home and I've had
it with all of your trash being thrown all over the place. Clean up after yourselves for goodness
sake!

Oh, and I did one more thing. I wrote an email to the builder and the realtor
and told them I do not want any smoking in our home. Maybe I would have felt better to just come home and throw a brush or slam a door.  :o)

Clean up

My husband is in Joplin now helping with the debris clean up from the tornado.  It's

an amazingly sad process. Not in the way one would think.  

They have people doing the labor, people to watch the people doing the labor,

and people to watch the people who are watching the people doing the labor.  

It's a sad day when you can't trust the people who sign up to help a city recover 

from a devastating tornado. 

What those heavy machines are doing is cleaning up the rubble of what

used to be people's homes and businesses. That's the true sad part.  

It's hard to believe that there are fellow Americans who try to steal from

other Americans in a time of disaster.

My only hope is that there will be a time when those people that can not be

trusted will be in a situation that they need help and need mercy from others.

That's when I hope they will learn mercy.  I hope they will be humbled and

realize that what they did to others was wrong.

In the meantime, I will be thankful for my husband, Brent, and all the other good

people who go to help others after a disaster strikes. They are the teachers of

mercy.

Linda

Perspective

The neighborhood that I live in is a sweet, older neighborhood. The streets are lined with huge,  lush old trees.  Some people have lived here for decades, others just a couple years.  Living here for 17 years, I have come to know the people who have lived here and raised their family in the same home that now sees grandchildren and even great-grandchildren come for visits.

My neighbor to the north recently lost her husband of over 50 years. It was a quick loss as he was diagnosed and quickly succumbed to the awful affects of stomach cancer.  Over the years, she has said to me many times that she didn't know what she would do if he died before her. Her worst nightmare came true.

Last night, as I prepared to drive out to our new home that is being built, I ask if she would like to join me.  She quickly prepared to join me and off we went.  As we were catching up with each other's news, I shared with her that my husband was going to be gone for the rest of this month while helping with debris clean up in Joplin, Missouri. I went on to say how much I missed him already and that's when it hit me.  I knew that my husband's absence would change; he would come home. Her beloved husband would not be returning. We looked at each other and I had to stop the tears from flowing in recognition of her situation.  I gained her perspective in that moment and gave myself a silent lecture.

Sometimes, a current situation doesn't seem so bad at all when you get a
glimpse of someone else's pain and realize they would switch places with you in an instant.

Reluctant love

My daughter got a dog from the pound 4 years ago. I didn't want this dog.  But my daughter had made up her mind that this pound dog was the one for her.  I told her she had to pay for everything, hoping that would discourage her. (I should have known better.) My mistake was going to the pound to see him. My heart cries when I walk into the pound. I feel so helpless for all of those abandoned souls. Needless to say, once I saw him, all curled up on the floor of the pen, I completely forgot that I didn't want another dog.  


His name is Charlie. He is an amazingly beautiful combination of German Shepard and Australian Shepard. Charlie was like a Tasmanian Devil at first.  He thought your hands and arms were his own chew toys.  He dug in the yard, everywhere. But his one ear up and one ear down cuteness prevailed and we hung in there with him.  


Charlie moved to Kansas City with my daughter and I was relieved he was with her. I knew he would protect her in that big city, and he did. She took him to obedience training and he won the "most improved" award. He tried so hard to be an apartment dog for her; but eventually it got the best of him and he was sent back to my house until she lived somewhere that he would have room to run.


 He lived with me for 2 years and I fell in love with Charlie. He greeted me each morning with a smile and a leaps of joy to the back door to start the day. He followed me to each room of the house as I got ready for the day. If I sat on the couch, he laid down next to me. He helped me get out and get going after surgery by taking him for his walks. When my son moved out to attend college, he slept beside my bed. I grew accustomed to his noises and drew comfort from them. 


He has gone back to live with my daughter now that she has the fenced in yard and room to run. Charlie will always have a part of my heart. I reluctantly fell in love with him and it was the best thing I could have ever done.


Linda

July 10, 2011 A new Journey

A new journey for me; a blog.  Do I have anything more important to say that anyone else? Probably not. But, my life is important to me and there are a lot of changes going on in my life right now; so I've decided to write.  I find that often people write when life isn't going well; this isn't the case for me. I am in the best place I have ever been in my life. My children are healthy and good people. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world. His children are healthy and good people.  

Why did I choose the title "Moving Mercy"?  I looked up the definition of mercy and found it to say: 1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.

    2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving.

    3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing.

    4. Alleviation of distress; relief.

        (www.thefreedictionary.com)

The word mercy seemed to fit what I was feeling. I was feeling so thankful, so blessed. Additionally, in our world today, I hear and read so much judgement upon others and I liked the words "a disposition to be kind and forgiving".  The moving part is that I want to show mercy to others and perhaps they will be inclined to move mercy on to others.

Today, I watched the movie "In Her Shoes" with Cameron Diaz and Toni Collette.  (It's about the 3rd or 4th time I've watched it.)  It shows how people can show mercy to each other even after years of hurt and painful actions.  Forgiveness is powerful; especially forgiving yourself.  At the end of the movie, Maggie (Diaz) reads this poem by e.e. cummings: I Carry Your Heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)

i am never without it

and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)

anywhere i go you go, my dear; 

i want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

I dedicate this first post to my love, my husband.  

I carry your heart in my heart, forever.

Be well, be kind to each other, and I hope that you have someone in your life

that you carry their heart in your heart with love and mercy.

Linda